I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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