You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
