hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
