you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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