..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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