I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
