I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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