he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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