i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
