She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
