he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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