doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
