Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
