Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
