i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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