i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
