He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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