wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
