also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
