CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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