the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
