hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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