Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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