I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
