Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
