Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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