I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
