Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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