Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
