I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
