In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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