started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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