i just had sex bonerless
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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