i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my phone needs a breathalizer
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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