One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
