I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
