how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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