Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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