i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
