Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
