I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
