Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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