I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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