Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
