Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
