Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
