Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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