Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
