Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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