You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
