i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
