Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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