Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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