oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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