She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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