your room smells of hookers.
And success
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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