Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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