How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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