the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
