Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
