Don't make out with my wife yet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
