No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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