Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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