In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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