and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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