Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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