At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
