dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
