i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
