i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Couch. On fire.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
