1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
