Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
