I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
