Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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