I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
