I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
