I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
