Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
