bring money and cleavage
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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