wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
