Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
