I am puke
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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