Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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