I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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