Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
